Saturday, December 30, 2006
A New American* President
...
previously... on Literally Rules:
"Th-thaynk you Bono!" Bush called back as he was dragged. "Ah won't ferget this! Ah love you man! Hey sign my album later, ok!?"
Bono adjusted his red shades and ignored the barage of comments.
Bush on was on his way to Guantanamo. And it had begun."
...
I had heard the news that Bono would be at the Presidential Coronation, so I watched it in the hopes of catching a glimpse of him... heck maybe they'd even let him play a song?
The Presidential Coronation had begun, and Dick (Cheney) had his hand on the bible.
"Repeat after me Mr. Soon to be President."
Dick nodded.
"I swear before the lord our Jesus Christ," said the swearing in guy.
"I swear before the lord our Jesus Christ," repeated Dick.
"that I will uphold the laws and the values of the United States of America," said swearing in guy
"that I will uphold the laws and the values of the United States of America," added Dick.
"and that I will not be a pussy who reduces military spending for schools and shit," said swearing in guy.
"and that I will not be a pussy who-"
Dick stopped mid sentence. He had been interupted by Bono who had passing through the coronation and inadvertantly walked right between Dick and the swearing in guy, and bumping Dick's arm off the bible.
"What the fuck're you!!!..." Dick started to shout, but then realized it was Bono he was shouting at, and quickly changed his tone. "Oh, Bono, sorry. What're you doin' here man?"
"Oh sorry Dick," Bono said back, adjusting his shades with an embarassed smile. "I was jus' lookin' fer the bathroom, didn' mean t'interrupt a thing."
"Oh of course, Bono," Dick said grinning and nodding eagerly. "It's right over that way. Past those men with the assault rifles."
Bono nodded, and started to walk off, but then stopped and turned around.
"Hey y'know Dick, Oy was thenkin' whut if it were me thet were president instead o' you. And you could be me voyce president? Wouldn't thet be cool?"
"Oh yeah that we be awesome!" Dick said grinning happily. "Can we do that!? Can we make Bono president!?"
"Are you fucking kidding me!" swearing-in-guy shouted happily too. "I'll swear fucking Bono in right now!"
Bono nodded appreciatively.
"No wait a second..." mentioned swearing in guy. "Isn't there some rule about only people born in America being allowed to run for president?"
"Are you calling Bono unamerican!?" shouted Dick. He drew back his arm to punch swearing in guy in the face, but Bono grabed his arm.
"It's alroy't Dick," he said, doing his best to restrain the seething vice president. "He didn' mean it roy't? Tell 'im ya didn' mean it."
"I... I didn't mean it!" cried the terrified swearing in guy.
"It's alright," Rumsfeld said walking onto the stage, whilst cracking his knuckles threateningly. "Go ahead and swear him in. That rule is to prevent foreigners like Osama Bin Laden and M'Rock O' Bamma from becoming President. This is freaking Bono we're talking about!"
"Yeah I guess yer right," swearing in guy said. "Ok, put yer hand on the bible, dude."
"Ehh, I'm not really all thet religious," Bono said with a shrug, and placing in hands in his pockets.
"Ok, um... that's cool. Just repeat after me then."
Bono shrugged again.
"I swear before our Lord Jesus Christ,"
"No I'm not sayin' thet," Bono shook his head.
"Oh ok no problem just repeat this then: "to uphold the laws of the United States of America,"
"No." Bono shook his head.
"Cool... um ok repeat this part: and I will not be a pussy who reduces military spending for schools and shit,"
"Are you fookin' kiddin, me there's no way in hell I'm in sayin' that."
"Ok ok, just say this part: And I pledge unwavering loyalty to my corporate puppet masters who-"
"Jesus fookin Chroyst!" interupted Bono. "Ok just stohp roy't there. Oy'd better jus' do this me own way."
And with that he snatched the microphone from the podium, walked to the camera...
and made the speech.
END CHAPTER 2
# posted by Isadore Clarke @ 7:32 AM 
